When a 50-year-old Kenyan man dates a 25-year-old woman, society shrugs and calls him “blessed.” But when a 50-year-old woman dates a 25-year-old man, suddenly, it’s a scandal. People start throwing words like “desperate,” “sugar mummy,” or “sponsor,” as if love should come with an expiration date for women. But, why the hypocrisy? Why is it that older men are allowed to enjoy love without scrutiny, yet older women are shamed for the same?
The outrage over older women dating younger men is deeply rooted in ageism and gender stereotypes. Society has long dictated that a woman’s value diminishes with age, while a man’s supposedly increases. In Kenya, we see this everywhere- from married male politicians flaunting much younger girlfriends to businessmen leaving their long-time wives for younger, “trophy” women. Yet when a woman chooses to date younger, she’s met with ridicule and labeled as someone who is “buying love” or “refusing to act her age.”
This hypocrisy is evident in how Kenyans react to high-profile relationships. When musician Bahati, who is six years younger than Diana Marua, married her, many dismissed their love as temporary, saying he would eventually “look for a younger woman.” Yet, older men in the industry- like a popular artiste turned politician or the late John DeMathew- have dated much younger women without similar scrutiny. Then there’s Esther Musila and Guardian Angel, whose 19-year age gap became national gossip. Despite their open declarations of love, many Kenyans questioned why a woman of her age was dating a younger man, as if she owed the world an explanation for her happiness.
If men can enjoy the thrill of dating younger partners without criticism, why shouldn’t women? Love is about compatibility, not age. Many younger men are emotionally mature, supportive and attracted to older women for their confidence, experience and independence. Women who have worked hard, raised families or built careers should feel empowered to choose partners who bring them happiness… regardless of their birth year.
That said, dating a younger man definitely isn’t all sunshine and roses. Like any relationship, it comes with both advantages and challenges. Younger men bring energy, passion and a fresh outlook on life. They often have fewer past relationships weighing them down, meaning fewer complications with ex-wives or baby mamas. Many also admire older women for their emotional stability and independence, valuing deep conversations over fleeting attraction.
The elephant in the room does exist. A younger man might be at a different stage in life, still trying to establish his career or figure out his long-term goals, while an older woman might be thinking about settling down or financial security. The biggest hurdle, of course, is societal judgment. Kenyan families are not always open to the idea of their son dating a much older woman, and friends may mock him for “being taken care of” or question his ability to lead a household. The reality is that love is complex, and age alone doesn’t determine who the provider is or who leads in a relationship.
Regardless, love has no age limit. Women should stop living for society’s approval and start embracing relationships that bring them joy. If men can freely date younger women without backlash, then older women deserve the same right to love without judgment. Date whoever aligns with your happiness- whether they are older, younger or the same age. Because when it comes to love, the only opinion that should truly matter is yours.
